As a transformation coach for women who feel trapped in people pleasing, I've seen how the labels we assign to ourselves can either empower us or hold us back. One label that often does more harm than good is "people pleaser." While it may seem like an accurate description of your current behavior, identifying with this label can reinforce a limiting identity, making it harder to break free from the very patterns you wish to change.

The Power of Identity

In his book "Atomic Habits", James Clear emphasizes the power of identity in shaping our habits and behaviors. He argues that the key to lasting change lies in focusing on who you want to become, rather than what you want to achieve. When you constantly refer to yourself as a "people pleaser," you reinforce this identity, making it a core part of how you see yourself. This can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where your actions continue to align with this identity, keeping you stuck in a cycle of self-sacrifice and guilt.

Shifting the Focus: Who Do You Want to Be?

Instead of labeling yourself as a people pleaser, consider who you want to become. Do you want to be someone who sets healthy boundaries, prioritizes self-care, or acts with confidence and assertiveness? By shifting your focus from what you don't want to be to what you do want to become, you can begin to change your behavior at a deeper level.

Clear explains that "every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become." When you take actions that align with your desired identity, you reinforce this new version of yourself. Over time, these small actions compound, creating lasting change.

Practical Steps to Shift Your Identity

1. Define Your Desired Identity: Take time to reflect on the qualities and characteristics you want to embody. Write them down and keep them somewhere visible as a daily reminder.
2. Reframe Your Language: Instead of saying "I'm a people pleaser," try saying "I'm learning to prioritize my needs" or "I'm becoming more assertive." This subtle shift in language can have a profound impact on your mindset.
3. Take Small, Consistent Actions: Begin to act in ways that align with your desired identity. Start with small steps, such as saying "no" to a request that doesn't serve you or taking time for self-care. Each action is a vote for the person you want to become.
4. Surround Yourself with Support: Engage with communities, coaches, or friends who reinforce your new identity. Being around others who share your goals can provide encouragement and accountability.

Why This Matters

Breaking free from the identity of a people pleaser is not just about changing your habits; it's about reclaiming your sense of self. When you stop identifying as a people pleaser and start focusing on who you want to be, you empower yourself to make choices that align with your values and desires. This shift in identity is the foundation for creating a life that is authentic, fulfilling, and unapologetically yours.

Remember, you are not defined by your past behaviors. You have the power to choose who you want to be and to take steps every day that move you closer to that vision. By focusing on your desired identity and taking consistent action, you can break free from the patterns of people-pleasing and step into a life of empowerment and self-worth.

In your journey to transformation, the focus should be on who you are becoming, not who you have been. This simple yet profound shift can be the key to unlocking a life of true fulfillment and joy.

You can start redefining your authentic joyful self now. Imagine having the confidence to say no to what's draining you so you can say yes to what excites you. Empowered women experience greater joy and life satisfaction as they gain confidence, autonomy, and a sense of purpose, with studies showing a 26% increase in daily positive emotions like joy when empowerment is achieved. Click here to access a guest pass for UnleashHER a FREE event that will put you on the path to authentic joy.